Pray for Leroy!

A preacher said, "Anyone with 'special needs' who wants to be prayed over, please come forward to the front by the altar." 

With that, Leroy got in line, and when it was his turn, the Preacher asked, "Leroy, what do you want me to pray about for you?"

Leroy replied, "Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing."  The preacher put one finger of one hand in Leroy's ear, placed his other hand on top of Leroy's head, and then  prayed and prayed and prayed.  He prayed a "blue streak" for Leroy, and the whole congregation joined in with great enthusiasm.

 

 

After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands, stood back and asked, "Leroy, how is your hearing now?"

Leroy answered, "I don't know.  It ain't 'til Thursday."

Chicago style...

Again, not really a joke, but an "illustration".

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from Minnesota. All three go with a White House official to examine the fence. The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me."   The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me."       The Chicago contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$2,700." The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"     The Chicago contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence."   "Done!" replies the government official .

The Irish Brothel--A Lesson on Perspective

 
Three Irishmen are sitting in the pub window seat, watching the front door of the brothel over the road. The local Methodist vicar appears, and quickly goes inside. 
 
"Will you look at that?" says the first Irishman. "And didn't I always say what a bunch of lying hypocrites they are?" 
 
No sooner are the words out of his mouth than a local Rabbi also goes inside. 
 
"There's another bunch who try to fool everyone with their pious preaching and funny little hats," says the second Irishman. 
 
They continue drinking their beer roundly condemning the vicar and the rabbi when they see their Catholic Priest knock on the door and go inside. 
 
"Oh, how sad!" says the third Irishman. "One of the girls must have died."  

BEST EVER SENIOR CITIZEN JOKE

BEST EVER SENIOR CITIZEN JOKE

A little silver-haired lady calls her neighbor and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started."

Her neighbor asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

The little silver haired lady says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."

Her neighbor decides to go over and help with the puzzle.

She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says,

"First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster."

He takes her hand and says, "Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea , and then," he said with a deep sigh ............


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"Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."