Fwd: Funny

 

Why I Mow My Own Yard  Lee Trevino: a true story, you gotta love him.  One day, shortly after joining the PGA tour in 1965, Lee Trevino,  a professional golfer and married man, was at his home in Dallas, Texas  mowing his front lawn, as he always did.  A lady driving by in a big, shiny Cadillac stopped in front of his house,  lowered the window and asked,  "Excuse me, do you speak English?"  Lee responded, "  Yes Ma'am, I do."  The lady then asked,  "What do you charge to do yard work?"  Lee said, "Well, the lady in this house lets me sleep with her."  The lady hurriedly put the car into gear and sped off.

 

 

Fwd: Fw: economics

This is no joke...it makes total sense.  Basic economic lesson An economics professor at a local college made a statement that he had never failed a single student before, but had recently failed an entire class. That class had insisted that Obama's socialism worked and that no one would be poor and no one would be rich, a great equalizer. The professor then said, "OK, we will have an experiment in this class on Obama's plan".. All grades will be averaged and everyone will receive the same grade so no one will fail and no one will receive an A.... (substituting grades for dollars - something closer to home and more readily understood by all). After the first test, the grades were averaged and everyone got a B. The students who studied hard were upset and the students who studied little were happy. As the second test rolled around, the students who studied little had studied even less and the ones who studied hard decided they wanted a free ride too so they studied little. The second test average was a D! No one was happy. When the 3rd test rolled around, the average was an F. As the tests proceeded, the scores never increased as bickering, blame and name-calling all resulted in hard feelings and no one would study for the benefit of anyone else. To their great surprise, ALL FAILED and the professor told them that socialism would also ultimately fail because when the reward is great, the effort to succeed is great, but when government takes all the reward away, no one will try or want to succeed. Could not be any simpler than that. (Please pass this on) These are possibly the 5 best sentences you'll ever read and all applicable to this experiment: 1. You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity by legislating the wealthy out of prosperity. 2. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving. 3. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else. 4. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it! 5. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that is the beginning of the end of any nation.

Fwd: FW: Doctors Too Funny had to pass this one on

This is WAY better than the comparison to the shoe bomber...

(A) The number of physicians in the U.S. is 700,000.   (B) Accidental deaths caused by Physicians per year are 120,000.   (C) Accidental deaths per physician is 0.171   Statistics courtesy of U.S. Dept. of Health and Human Services.   >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>    Now think about this:   Guns   (A) The number of gun owners in the U.S. is 80,000,000.  (Yes, that's 80 million)   (B) The number of accidental gun deaths per year, all age groups, is 1,500.   (C) The number of accidental deaths per gun owner is .0000188   Statistics courtesy of FBI   >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>    So, statistically, doctors are approximately 9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners.   >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>    Remember, 'Guns don't kill people, doctors do.'   >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>    FACT: NOT EVERYONE HAS A GUN, BUT Almost everyone has at least one doctor.  This means you are over 9,000 times more likely to be killed by a doctor as by a gun owner!!!   >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>    Please alert your friends to this alarming threat.   We must ban doctors before this gets completely out of hand!!!!!   >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>    Out of concern for the public at large, we withheld the statistics on lawyers for fear the shock would cause people to panic and seek medical attention!